Monday, May 11th: Six Days Left on Land
“Jeff the Fun Dude, come on down!”
11:00 a.m.
I’ve been looking forward to today for three weeks. My old road buddy Drew Carey set me up with two tickets for “The Price is Right” and “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” so I’m meeting my friend, the actor Ted Lyde, for breakfast in a few minutes. We’ll have to eat quickly because we need to be at the artist entrance at CBS Television City at 11:45.
Over a meal of cinnamon pancakes and breakfast quesadillas, I tell Ted that I plan on sniffing around at CBS and learning how one goes about getting a job as a production assistant or intern, the two most common inroads into the world of show business.
Ted tells me that now is a bad time to be looking for an entry into the industry because production is way down in Hollywood due to the economy. He suggests I go back on the ship as planned in six days, save up some more money, finish up my various writing projects, then come back next year with more money in the bank and, hopefully, more opportunities for schmoozing myself into an entry level job with a network or production company. Ted’s been supporting himself as an actor for over ten years but hasn’t booked a commercial since February and hasn’t been on an audition for two weeks. In fact, he’s now working a couple of nights a week as a bouncer in Venice Beach until more acting jobs roll in. (Or should I say “role” in—bada bing, bada boom!)
I tell him I’m inclined to agree with him. But then I tell him about my experience hanging out in Hollywood last night with my friend Vinnie Coppola, a comic from Florida who made the Big Move in January with only his car, $1,300 in cash and sporadic bookings on the road. Within two days of arriving in LA, Vinnie had a studio apartment and a set at a local comedy night. Within four months, he had already made two TV appearances, become a paid regular at two major clubs and was hooked into the comedy scene enough to perform every night of the week if he wanted to. Vinnie knows I’m a hard worker just like him so he told me that if I do decide to move to LA instead of getting on the ship next week, he’ll help me establish myself in record time.
“Jeff the Fun Dude, come on down!”
11:00 a.m.
I’ve been looking forward to today for three weeks. My old road buddy Drew Carey set me up with two tickets for “The Price is Right” and “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” so I’m meeting my friend, the actor Ted Lyde, for breakfast in a few minutes. We’ll have to eat quickly because we need to be at the artist entrance at CBS Television City at 11:45.
Over a meal of cinnamon pancakes and breakfast quesadillas, I tell Ted that I plan on sniffing around at CBS and learning how one goes about getting a job as a production assistant or intern, the two most common inroads into the world of show business.
Ted tells me that now is a bad time to be looking for an entry into the industry because production is way down in Hollywood due to the economy. He suggests I go back on the ship as planned in six days, save up some more money, finish up my various writing projects, then come back next year with more money in the bank and, hopefully, more opportunities for schmoozing myself into an entry level job with a network or production company. Ted’s been supporting himself as an actor for over ten years but hasn’t booked a commercial since February and hasn’t been on an audition for two weeks. In fact, he’s now working a couple of nights a week as a bouncer in Venice Beach until more acting jobs roll in. (Or should I say “role” in—bada bing, bada boom!)
I tell him I’m inclined to agree with him. But then I tell him about my experience hanging out in Hollywood last night with my friend Vinnie Coppola, a comic from Florida who made the Big Move in January with only his car, $1,300 in cash and sporadic bookings on the road. Within two days of arriving in LA, Vinnie had a studio apartment and a set at a local comedy night. Within four months, he had already made two TV appearances, become a paid regular at two major clubs and was hooked into the comedy scene enough to perform every night of the week if he wanted to. Vinnie knows I’m a hard worker just like him so he told me that if I do decide to move to LA instead of getting on the ship next week, he’ll help me establish myself in record time.
Vinnie picked me up last night around 6:30 and we drove down to the IO West Improv Theater on Hollywood Blvd. We walked the strip, where I took a picture of Drew Carey’s star on the Walk of Fame, had some pizza, then watched two great shows. The first was a sketch competition called “Sketch Cage Match” and the second was a show called “Top News Story” wherein the actors and writers produce a new show from scratch every week based entirely on the top news stories of the previous seven days. Each week they feature a different guest comedian, so I had the pleasure of introducing Vinnie to another friend of mine, the great Emo Philips, who is both one of the greatest joke writers in the world. Back in the early 90’s when I told Emo that he was the reason I got into comedy, he shot back, “Sure—blame ME!”
After the show, we hung out with Emo a bit then headed over to the world famous Comedy Store to watch some of the local comics work out some new material. A friend of Vinnie’s went up, did a killer set in front of four people, then gave me a tour of the club and made me feel welcome.
So as our waiter pours us more coffee, I explain to Ted that hanging with Vinnie last night taught me that if I’m willing to hustle and knock on doors, I could probably establish myself in the LA comedy scene rather quickly. But since all gigs in LA are non-paying gigs, I’d still have to figure out how to support myself. So I’m still not convinced I should go back on the ship as planned and do my best to deal with the difficulties of ship life. Especially, when I actually love the job itself.
After we pay the bill, I follow Ted down Beverly Drive to CBS Television City. Television City is the sprawling headquarters for CBS located between Beverly and Fairfax in downtown Los Angeles, right next to Farmer’s Market. Television City is the former home of the “The Carol Burnett Show” and “Sonny and Cher” as well as the current home of “The Price is Right,” “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson,” “Dancing with the Stars” and “American Idol.”
11:45 a.m.
The guards at the gate are very nice and found our names on the list right away. After parking our cars, Ted and I meet up at the artist entrance to CBS where our CBS Page, Cathie, writes our names on those big yellow “The Price Is Right” name tags.”
12:00 Noon
Ted and I are both surprised how small the TPIR studio is in person and how dreary and worn all the set dressings look. But that’s Hollywood for you. Cheap Styrofoam props look like gleaming chrome and steel on TV and the camera can make the tiniest studio look like a huge auditorium. The show airs May 26th so I’m curious as to how gleamy, chromey and spacious the camera makes me look.
12:15 p.m.
The show starts and we all go crazy as announcer Rich Fields introduces Drew and then the taping goes exactly as I expected: some really nice people win some cool prizes, but no one really cleans up. One woman wins a car and you can tell she really needs it so I get kind of choked up when Drew starts talking to her during the commercial break and she starts crying.
Drew isvery funny both during the show and during the commercials. Between games, he interviews the contestants, fields questions from the audience and riffs on the chances of the Cavs wining the NBA finals.
After the taping, Drew’s assistant escorts me and Ted from our seats in the second row to the side of the stage to meet up with Drew. Because he has another taping in a couple of hours, he can’t spare a lot of time, but we exchange road stories for a few minutes, then head over to the set to snap a couple of pictures.
1:30 p.m.
We’ve got two hours until “Craig Ferguson” so we amble over to the CBS commissary for some coffee and a snack and to chat with one of the production assistants I recognized from TPIR.
While we were waiting to be escorted up to the “Late Late Show” studios, I decide to do some detective work and find out a little information about the CBS Page program. I chatted with one of the pages, poked my head into the HR department and introduced myself and even arranged a few minutes of face time with the Page Supervisor, explaining my interest in making the transition from “The Fun Dude” to “Jeff the Middle-Aged Page.” (Look out, “Kenneth” from “30 Rock,” I’m coming to get ya!!)
Page Supervisor was the sweetest woman. She gave me her card, some words of encouragement and asked me to submit my resume. I learned that being a page for CBS is only a part-time position that pays around 10 bucks an hour, but it’s a job I would be great and and enjoy tremendously. It’s also a perfect way to get my foot in the door within the industry.
3:15 p.m.
We walk off the CBS lot wearing our day passes so Ted can show me around Farmer’s Marke, which is an upscale outdoor shopping and dining complex right next door to CBS.
Then it’s back to the Television City and hanging out in the green room backstage at “Craig Ferguson.” Ted and I are treated to brownies and cookies and free drinks and even get to meet Henry Wrinkler and Steven Wright, both guests on tonight’s show.
A few minutes before call time, one of the production assistants takes our cameras and cell phones from us and then leads us into the studio to our reserved seats. Feeling like big shots, we eat free candy and laugh our heads off at the show.
6:00 p.m.
Everything about tonight’s show was awesome. The warm-up comedian, “Chunky B” was awesome. Craig’s monologue was awesome. The interviews were awesome.
And the fact that I was walking back to my car with the mailing address of the talent booker for “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” in my pocket was REALLY awesome!
9:00 p.m.
Just got home to my place in San Diego. On the drive back from Los Angeles, I called my friend Jeff, who is the owner of a comedy club in Pittsburgh and used to be Drew Carey’s manager back in the late 80’s.
As excited as I am about moving to LA and becoming “Jeff the Middle-Aged Page,” Jeff helped convince me that the best thing for me to do would be to set aside all my personal issues and find the energy to get back on The Ship this upcoming Sunday as planned.
“LA will always be there,” he said. “Make some money, make some plans, THEN make your way back to LA.”
9:30 p.m.
I’m so tired I’m not even going to stay up to watch “Ferguson.”
If I’m going to be on The Ship as it sails out of San Diego this Sunday, I’ve got a lot of things to do tomorrow and need to get up early.
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